Happy 1 Month Merrick!
I cannot believe it has already been 1 month! In some ways....I can however believe it:) What a MONTH! Challenging, physically drained, emotionally drained, sleep deprived, starving for normality, stressed, at my "wits" end, all these feelings in this past month. And today, 4 weeks later, I get to see this. A smile. Not just one, or two, but several. My heart melted, and a sigh of relief came over me. I CAN do this. We have decided to transition to formula. Yes. There, I said it, F-O-R-M-U-L-A. It was beginning to be too much for me & starting to really affect our family cohesiveness. I wrestled over and over with this decision. And I did NOT come by it lightly. I prayed, pondered, and decided. And I think that is enough said. These past few days, I have been closer than ever back to my "bubbly" Brynn self. I had to keep telling myself, these things: I CAN be awoken by a screaming toddler and spend part of the night calming him back down, I CAN nurture a sick child, I CAN give all the hugs & kisses a mom can give, I CAN change poopy diapers by not one, but TWO children, I CAN make breakfast, lunch & dinner, I CAN do laundry, I CAN put them to bed, I CAN teach them to say their prayers and read their scriptures, I CAN manage to somehow keep a SEMI-clean home, I CAN play with my kids, I CAN laugh, I CAN cry, but I CANNOT nurse. And, I'm okay with that, because I CAN be a good Mom. So today, when Merrick smiled, I smiled too, for what seemed to be something rather foreign or not in my nature as of lately. Thank you, Merrick. For reminding me about the simple joys, and for teaching me to love being a mommy once again.
Totally blog stalking you. And gotta say, I've been there. Nursing was such a struggle for me, but I felt like if I wasn't doing it I was the worst mother in the world. For heaven's sake, the woman giving birth in the next room over from me, she had to take a break from labor to go outside and smoke ... but at least she was able to successfully nurse her baby. (And by the way, that sound super judgmental and in reality I feel bad for that poor woman's addiction. But I digress ...)
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, as rotten as I felt giving it up, I'm so glad I did. I was able to concentrate on the things that weren't happening while I was battling that demon ... and losing. And you know what? Didn't even bother trying with the twins and I don't feel even a little bit bad about that. For those who can, awesome. For those of us who can handle the added coordination and challenges that come with dealing with formula, good for us, too.
I know it's not something you took lightly. Just want you to know you're a great mother and I hope you get some rest soon ... and about a billion more of those cute, cute, cute smiles.
YOU ARE AMAZING.....and my hero! Im so glad things are getting better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cutie! I love his blue eyes! You are so right, there are so many amazing things you can do and it is not worth making somethings work that aren't necessary! Good luck lady it was so fun to see you last week!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with formula! It makes cute happy babies and families :) And Dad can do a feeding once in a while! That's totally a plus! It's just more expensive is all. But it can really be worth the money! I'm so glad that he smiled for you and you could capture it! What a cutie! Way to be a good mom!
ReplyDeleteGlad you came to a choice that you're comfortable with and feel good about. In the end, it doesn't really matter. You still love them just as much! You're awesome!
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