The Story

The Story

Friday, September 9th, 3 days overdue, feeling actually quite wonderful, I woke up at 4am to what I thought was a painful contraction.  I sat in bed till about 4:15 and after they were coming every 3-5 minutes, still pretty strong, I decided to shower, and start getting ready.  I had a feeling, this was IT.  I even put on mascara, because heaven forbid I look as bad as I did with Braxton:)  About 5 am, I woke Ricky up, and said I had been having painful and strong contractions for the last hour, and that he better get up, we were going to the hospital.  So, I called Mandy(sister in law) who conveniently lived across the street, to see if she could come and watch brax(who was still asleep), while we headed off!  One call, no answer.  Started to panic slightly.  Second call, ANSWER!  PHew!  Mandy came over at 5:30am, and shortly thereafter we were OFF!  We got to the hospital around 6am, and at 6:20 was dilated to a 6.  Of course, I called my parents on the way over, and told my dad to meet us there ready for the epideral to go in.  Finally, at 7:20am the epideral was in, I was feeling a lot better, other than the major anxiety and "shakes" I had the entire time.  8:30am rolled around too quickly, and it was time to push. (more anxiety).  I kept thinking to myself, "please, please come, so that I don't push for 2 hours like I did with braxton."  30 minutes went by, 40 minutes, then I was at the hour mark.  I was told I was making progress, and that was comforting.  Right up until about 9:30, when the epideral wore off, and pain was at its PEAK.  I did not want to push anymore.  Every time I pushed, it felt like things were ripping to shreds, stinging and burning.  OUCH.  Somehow, I managed to pull through, when I felt the head make it, a rush of adrenaline kicked in, and I was able to push the rest of my 9 pound 11 oz baby boy out!  Yes, 9 pounds, 11 ounces.  I could not believe my ears.  But he was a beauty, and a joy to finally see after waiting so patiently for him to arrive. 

The Aftermath (7 days later)

Here I am, 7 days later, to give an update.  I have felt as though I cannot get a grip on my emotions.  With Braxton, I had a really hard time nursing.  More so, the choice to move on from nursing and bottle feed.  Yes, bottle feed.  I feel like its a bad word or something.  But nonetheless, we did it, and he is a happy healthy toddler today.  So I expected to have difficulties with the second child.  And I did.  Each day, has been a challenge in some way.  I love being a mom, but I feel as though I have had a hard time, "enjoying" the little moments.  Nursing Merrick has been yet another challenge, and I think the bigger challege this time for me, has been enjoying it, and looking forward to it.  Currently, I feel sometimes I dread it, because I keep thinking, "Will I fail??"  "Is it going to work this time?" "Is he getting enough?" His first checkup a few days ago, he had already dropped 1 1/2 pounds.  NOT something I wanted to hear AGAIN.  He was underweight.  So the next 24 hours were spent meeting with lactaction specialists, bawling my eyes out, not getting any sleep, and still struggling.  Currently we are doing it!  Nursing that is, with the help of a nipple shield.  And I am trying so hard to love it.  Any advice?  This is a whole new world for me.  The thought of going out into public freaks me out, "how will I nurse!?!?"  With Braxton, I could go anywhere, and knew that I didn't have to worry about bringing something to "cover up."  That alone, was a huge relief.  So, experienced mothers, how do I overcome that fear?  How do I transition from something that seemed so convenient, to something that maybe isn't as convenient, but overall better for my son?  And emotionally, how do I cope? 

Each day gets better, and today by far has been the best day.  I am so grateful for all the support I have both family and friends.  I could not do it without you.  I will be thanking you over and over again.  And especially the support of my loving husband.  I feel I love him even more.  When I had a baby shower for Braxton, everyone wrote down advice for me, most of which consisted of "sleep when the baby sleeps" "take time for you" "enjoy the little things" till I came to one piece of advice that said, "Love Ricky."  I thought it was weird advice at first, but I realize especially now, how important loving my husband is, through all the trials, struggles, and emotional breakdowns I have had.  He is my rock. 

Now, enjoy the photos, sorry there are not any of me, I am sure after reading this post, you may understand why:)